Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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