Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
