ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
