i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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