watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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