why didn't you poke me back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
