Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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