Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize