They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
