Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
