I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We talked him into tasing himself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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