cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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