Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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