This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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