Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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