the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
