Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
