Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
