It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My life is pants optional.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
