Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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