youre lurking in front of me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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