You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
