I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
