when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He better not be in your backpack
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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