You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize