Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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