haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
