wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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