I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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