You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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