a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Where is the hickey?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
