do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
