here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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