Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
