Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
