haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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