Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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