did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
