honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
