If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
