I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.