I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!