I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf