Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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