Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
