I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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