Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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