Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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