you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
