No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
