I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
