ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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