Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
