Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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