better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
