oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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