Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this will be a night to untag.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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