oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
