you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
