My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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