M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
