we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
