There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
