I am spending my child support on dildos
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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