Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
