I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You were trust falling into bushes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.