Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can