You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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