Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.