omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
