some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
